Twas the night before the night before
And running all through my head
Were thoughts of writing this blog post
Before going to bed
I have a bit of an uneasy relationship with Christmas. It’s not that I can’t enjoy it, I generally do. But it also brings up memories of the worst evening of my life. And sometimes it’s a little hard not to let that color things.
I remember enjoying Christmas when I was young. I’d like to think most kids do enjoy Christmas. I don’t remember much in the way of specifics. I was asked earlier today what I got for Christmas at that age and I could barely remember. What I do remember is that for a few years, ages 5 to 8 or so, Star Wars was always on TV at Christmas. I have very distinct memories of sitting in front of it, pretending to be an X-Wing pilot.
When I was 17, my dad died. On Boxing Day. For those of you not familiar, that’s the 26th. Even though it was the day after, when you’re making something guilty by association little details like can be fudged. Needless to say it was not a good time and it put me off Christmas for a good few years following.
When I got together with Britt, things changed again. Britt loves Christmas and that’s brought me back to enjoying it too. We’ve developed some rituals for ourselves. We decorate the tree together, usually accompanied by either Elf or A Christmas Story on in the background. We have ornaments that we’ve picked out together or commemorate times/trips etc. We’re building new memories for me.
So, for me, Christmas is now a bittersweet time; tinged with past loss but leavened by current joys.
Before I go, I would like to wish those of you reading this, all the very best for this holiday season. Thanks for stopping by.