I have a t-shirt, one that I purchased during a visit to Universal studios. On the front, in big red letters designed to look like blood, it reads “Fear will eat you alive”. More and more I’m coming to realise how true that is.
I wouldn’t go quite so far as to say that I let fear rule my life but it’s certainly a major component in it. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of getting things wrong. It would be fairly safe to say that I experience all of those on a daily basis.
So what do I do to combat that? Well, a lot of times I don’t. I sink into what Britt calls analysis-paralysis. I spend more time re-thinking and second-guessing everything that I either can’t open my mouth or I only accomplish a fraction of what I wanted to do.
I have been trying to be better about dealing with this. Posting reviews, posting writing samples; this blog in general. One of the reasons I think I post goals for myself is to push myself into acting. Much as I dislike letting myself down, I hate letting others down even more. And, in my messed-up head, I somehow think that if I post those goals then I’m then beholden to whoever reads them. So, I have to try to get them done to avoid disappointing them.
I’m not saying all this asking for sympathy. I know that in the greater scheme of things my self-confidence issues don’t matter and that there are millions of people with far worse things to deal with. But I do need to acknowledge the damage this kind of thinking is doing to me.
So this is me, acknowledging my fears, and refusing to let them gnaw at me anymore.