This post marks a couple of milestones, for better or for worse. As the title suggests, this is my 400th post overall. Perhaps more importantly, it is the first post I’ve actively written in a month.

I’ve spoken before that I’ve had issues with depression on and off for years now. My mental state had been deteriorating for a while before I took some time off but I’d deluded myself into thinking I was coping adequately. This was not true and it was becoming more and more apparent that I was in one of my worst depressive states in a long time. Hence, my lack of online activity.

Over the past month, I’ve taken steps to communicate with my doctors and those close to me what’s been going on. I’ve also been trying to change any behaviour that contributed to me feeling bad about myself. It hasn’t been easy and I suspect it will stay that way for some time to come. But, as of a week ago, I have been starting to feel better.

What this means for me going forward, I still don’t know. I’m trying not to take on new commitments or impose anything that might contribute to feelings of failure. Which is why, despite previous posts to the contrary, I have not taken part in NaNoWriMo this year. All I can do is continue doing my best to take care of myself and hope that the rest will gradually fall into place.

I sometimes wonder how to address posts like this one, since I have no real information on who is actually reading them. Much as I would like to believe that I have some measure of following and readership, to do so seems like undeserved arrogance on my part. Steven King can address things to his constant reader but he’s earned that. At the same time, if you are here and reading these words, you do deserve some degree of recognition. So, kind Scribblings reader, my thanks for being here.

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